I debated to title this Full Circle or Long Road.
I chose full circle because I have ended up where I had originally started/planned. Let me explain.
I wasn't going to post anything today. No new pictures of Reece and nothing really to report.
Until I went on a walk. We live in the neighborhood where I teach and as Reece and I walked, someone yelled "Jennifer!" It was one of my mom's. She came over to see him and we did the normal "Hi how are you's." And then she said, "I have been meaning to call or email you." I assumed it was because of the drama happening at school in my absence - a post not even worth writing about. :)
She then said in a shaky voice "I have breast cancer." To most, this statement would be followed with "Oh I am sorry." or "You are too young." Not me. I nodded and said "Okay, what do you know?" Not much-which is normal for the newly diagnosised. She was having her surgery on Tuesday. She said that another one of my mom's told her that I was a survivor.
I told her a bit about my history and when the topic came to implants, the passerby would have been slightly weirded out when they saw her feeling my boobs; the right one for silicone and the left for life after radiation. That's just me... I offered her the name of my plastic surgeon! oh and my oncologist too.
She cried a little when she said those awful words and then "sucked it up." (for lack of a better term.) I know how she felt. She doesn't want the pity from others. She is fine and will be great as long as it just gets going. These are feelings that I have felt for 3 years. Pity is the worst feeling. You never want someone to feel sorry for you - especially not with something SO incredibly out of your control.
I asked her the medical questions - forgetting that she has just begun on a long road that I have traveled for 3 1/2 years now. I know my current diagnosis and can spout off the drugs that I took and the dates of almost all of my surgeries, chemo's, and most importantly the time and date I received "the" call.
She hasn't told her children and has her mastectomy on Tuesday. I will be there for her as well as her daughter, my student. This is the 2nd parent in a year that has come to me.
I don't think I can do much for these women and then I am reminded...The gift the Lord gave me with my diagnosis was to be the light. That survival is the only option. We will go through hell - and only those who have done it truly understand - and we come out alive! There are days that you think you can't go on- but somehow you wake up and it's a new day. Life must continue.
I have been given an opportunity few experience. A deadly diagnosis at 25. And survived.
I questioned why at the time. It wasn't fair - 3 months we had been married - why not someone else in their 60's?!!? I know why. God uses me to help these women who are so scared that their only way of survival is to think"I can do it." The other is too grim to even allow your mind to go there. The mind is so powerful that I would chant "I am healthy, I am healed, I am a survivor."
As I thought about what I was going to write during my shower tonight, I thought about today's date - somewhere in the middle of April (the days run together at this point!).
Today is April 9th. 3 years ago yesterday I had my last chemo treatment. Tuesday, the 15th, will be my check up with my oncologist. A year ago exactly, she told me that she thought it was safe for me to try to get pregnant. It was questionable. Chemo sent my body into early menopause. They had no idea how my eggs handled the excessive amounts of drugs I received.
And now, 1 year later, I will go back with another yet completely different gift... a son.
I have come full circle.
July 18th, 2004
September 18th, 2004 - a few weeks before our life changed.
The beginning of a life changing experience - the head shave.
November 2004. pre chemo and surgery
My last chemo - a party! The confetti is a nice touch don't you think?!
The auburn hair was the escape from me.
The real celebration of my last chemo - In Austin with Kate and a Margarita.
I look different because of the massive amounts of steriods to help combat side-effects.
I had just bleached my hair and wondered when I could get it cut. :)
I thought it was long. Not kidding. To me hair=normalcy
The night before we were baptized as a couple; March 2007
And now - the only lingering effects I still endure:
great perky boobs that don't require a bra and chemo- induced curly hair; and a son.
Be aware. It saved my life.
The circle is complete. But the road to complete was long and hard. However, I am so eternally grateful for the bumps like mountains and valleys and the turns as sharp as a zig zag. I would never want to go back and have the life that I had planned. I would not be who I am today. Monty and I would not be the couple we are today.
To the survivors and future survivors remember....
"I will survive!!!"
Reece turns 6 weeks old today!! It's been an incredible few weeks. What once seemed like forever (you know, a grading period...many nights not grading to all of a sudden have to have grades ready, when??.. tomorrow??! what) to now have the time fly by! And like his shirt says, he was SOO "worth the wait!" (thank you to Cheryl for sending it to us during the long 10 day waiting period B4 he arrived!)
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